Joe Rogan Experience #2093 – Sober October Crew
Bert Kreischer is a stand-up comic, podcaster, and actor. He’s the host of “The Bertcast” podcast and YouTube cooking program “Something’s Burning.” He’s also the co-host of the “2 Bears, 1 Cave” podcast with fellow comedian Tom Segura. Watch his latest special, “Bert Kreischer: Razzle Dazzle,” on Netflix. www.bertbertbert.com Tom Segura is a stand-up comic, actor, podcaster, and author. He co-hosts two podcasts, “Your Mom’s House,” with his wife, comic Christina Pazsitsky, and “Two Bears, One Cave,” with comic Bert Kreischer. He’s also the host of his own podcast, “Tom Segura en Español,” and is the author of “I’d Like to Play Alone, Please: Essays.” Watch his latest special, “Tom Segura: Sledgehammer,” on Netflix. www.ymhstudios.com Ari Shaffir is the host of “The Skeptic Tank” and “You Be Trippin'” podcasts. Watch his latest comedy special, “Ari Shaffir: Jew,” on YouTube. www.arishaffir.com
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Not ari pissing in a cup casually mid podcast 😂😂
Good show I wish I had friends like this
Shut up, Bert!
Thank god Joe replaced sober october with protect our parks
Joe looks like a cartoon mob boss in his suit 😂
Sober burt is pretty smart guy
Hey Joe Bert Benches more than you now
Bert sucksssss
Me to chatGPT: Based on what you can gather about Joe Rogan’s circle, create a roast piece that’s funny.
Joe Rogan & The Legion of Low Testosterone: A Roast
If you ever wondered what a group of dudes who peaked in high school would look like if they had millions of dollars and access to HGH, look no further than Joe Rogan and his comedy crew. It’s like a frat house that never graduated—just a bunch of middle-aged men talking about kettlebells, elk meat, and “bro, have you ever tried ayahuasca?”
Let’s start with the godfather himself, Joe Rogan—a man who looks like a sentient kettlebell with Wi-Fi. Joe is what happens when your brain is 50% Alpha Brain and 50% elk protein. He has the energy of a jacked-up uncle who cornered you at Thanksgiving to explain why aliens are definitely running the government. Joe could literally be mid-stroke, and he’d still find a way to ask you, “But have you TRIED mushrooms?”
Then we got Ari Shaffir, who looks like he lives in a tree and grants riddles to travelers. Ari is what happens when you mix a rabbi with an expired bottle of Adderall. His whole career is based on looking homeless while somehow still affording international vacations. Ari once drugged Bert Kreischer as a joke, which makes sense because he looks like he’s one bad day away from selling black-market kidneys.
Mark Normand is next, a man who sounds like he was born in a 1950s radio commercial. Mark’s whole vibe is “What if Jerry Seinfeld was raised by a chain-smoking stepdad who only communicated through insults?” The dude rattles off punchlines like he’s got Tourette’s, and somehow, his biggest hobby is sounding like he’s nervously confessing to a crime he absolutely committed.
And then there’s Andrew Schulz, the guy who looks like a 6’2” extra from a Jersey Shore spinoff. Schulz is what happens when a hypebeast learns how to read. He built his career on saying wild things fast enough that people don’t have time to cancel him. He’s got the confidence of a guy who definitely got suspended from school for starting a pyramid scheme.
Tim Dillon—the only man who could make being fat and angry a profitable business model. Tim talks like a guy who once ran a Ponzi scheme but got out just in time. He’s the only person who can rant about billionaires while actively trying to become one. His whole aesthetic is “rich guy who only eats drive-thru meals and screams at his assistant for bringing him Diet Coke instead of regular.”
Next up, Chris Distefano, who looks like every guy who’s ever had a bar fight on a cruise ship. Chris is the only comedian who could make being a former college basketball player sound like a war story. His entire career is built on talking about how he’s a dad now, which is funny because he still has the energy of a guy who’d leave his family to start a podcast about gambling.
And we can’t forget Big Jay Oakerson, a man who dresses like he just finished his shift at an illegal underground casino. Big Jay is the only guy who can make fingerless gloves seem like a personality trait. He looks like a bouncer at a bar that serves only expired Four Lokos. Every time he performs, you half expect him to start running a numbers racket out of the back of the venue.
Then there’s Sam Tripoli, the conspiracy theorist of the group. Sam is what happens when an Infowars comment section comes to life. He’s got all the energy of a guy who has absolutely tried to pay for a lap dance with Bitcoin. He’s the only guy who could spend 45 minutes explaining how the Denver Airport is a portal to hell while somehow making you believe it.
And let’s not leave out Bryan Callen, a guy who has spent the last 20 years convincing us he’s still relevant. Bryan looks like he played a dad in every sitcom from 1998-2005. He’s got the body of a CrossFit instructor and the energy of a divorced man trying to explain why he “wasn’t technically cheating.” His biggest skill is making you feel like he knows something you don’t—except he absolutely does not.
Rounding it out, we have Brendan Schaub, the only man who left a UFC career to get punched in the head by the YouTube comments section instead. Brendan is proof that just because you have a podcast doesn’t mean you should. His stand-up is the only thing more painful to watch than his old fight highlights. The guy sounds like he’s permanently trying to solve a math problem while speaking. Every time he talks, you can hear his brain buffering.
And yet, despite all of this, these guys are killing it. They’re running the biggest podcasts, selling out arenas, and somehow surviving on a diet of whiskey, cigars, and questionable life choices. They’re like the Avengers of bad decision-making.
God bless them, and may their livers hold on just a little bit longer.
Shut up for 3 seconds bert
Rogan turned into a YouTube comment on burt 😂 laid it on a little thick though this ep
1:05:30 Try to guess what I’m th inking
Hate for Bert from North Carolina
I agree.. the actual universe is The God, The All in Spirit, We all have a piece of the universe in us.. we’re all connected. Where Intuition comes from….
my absolute fav guy here is the ONE the ONLY Tom Segura. he is just so fucking cool, no pretense, no ego, no fake ness…I LOVE you Tommy!!! I’ve seen all his specials and they just MURDERED!!!! Sledgehammer was SOOOO fuckin funny, man. Even the bit bout his dad being in Nam was funny, THAT”S hard to do! Tom looks the BEST in his suit and handsome as always! I thought Ari was super disrespectful to Joe and the Cave to piss in Joe’s cup. No need to be savage! 💜yvonne🐼
my edit: why couldn’t the Egyptians draw their people in perspective like with their feet going the same way etc? if they were so advanced (which I believe) why can’t they draw/paint better human figures??? also, I SAW the King Tut exhibit years ago in San Francisco and wow….that Golden mask, the other jewelry, the artifacts were just mind blowing!! You just don’t get the intricacy , the BEAUTY in pics…
oh and btw…we DO have -0- point energy and we’ve had it for decades. there are craft in our possession but most you will see flyin around, even at great speed are OURS. Full Disclosure NOW!!!!
Joe you and I are the same lmao
40 mins in. Joe what happens when we find heaven…
Thank God the majority of the comments seem to agree that this episode could have been great if bert wasn’t apart of it. Dude is a hardcore alcoholic and everything he tries to do is genuinely not funny at all to me. In my opinion he is way over hyped and the sound of his stuffy ass voice is also another reason why I cant stand hearing him speak especially when he talks about nonsense like crying all the time as well as the fear or clowns. Dude is one of those people who love to be overly dramatic and sensitive because he just has to be the center of attention. L bert kreicher or however u spell his last name.
It’d be interesting to record the amount of time bert talks.
Joe starting to explain the story about Jim’s legal thing.
Bert: “Ohhh Go into detail, go into detail”
Joe: “I’m doing that..”
Bert is such a dick rider lol
👍
I really liked the 4 person split screen. But also really glad you wasn’t doing that during when Bert and ari pulled their pants down 😂😂😂😂 I almost forgot I was on YouTube
Anyone see the lazers?
shut up bert!!!
I have not seen a man in a suit and tie in quite a while.. everyone of these amazing men are dressed up looking Sharp. There’s something about a suit, just like the perfect dress for a woman, dressing in a suit shirt, hand working your tie into a knot. Then the jacket. For me being a guy and putting on a suit and jacket it always meant that there was a special occasion. It’s time for me to look my best because this is the day that’s going to be remembered it’s just cool seeing them all and suit and ties talking about life
Ill be the first to say it: Bert is kind of annoying
Some times he talks a lot even though he has nothing to say. Its better to be silent in those situation then saying shit you dont even really believe in. Either he likes hearing his own voice or loves every ones attention. What do you think?
The iron definitely never lies to you. But it also will never emotionally resolve the things that chase you to the iron.
Ari is so funny with his quick insults 😂
You’ve heard of sober October? Well this is sober May for me. Why wait?!
My daughter name is Talulah. Never knew Bruce Willis daughter name is that too
34:44 Joey saves Bert
Ari pissing in a bottle/cup is just disgusting, not even slightly funny… He needs to grow up.
Burt and ari just hold it back. 2 guys who you can never truly believe. Nobody wants that. This isn’t a comedy special.
Joe’s wife’s friend is English
Replacing Bert with Shane is the smartest thing Joe has ever done
Omg this entire podcast was about professional fighting with Bert making sure he interrupted every chance he can get. The only reason that loser is in comedy is because of his friends and who he knows. He’s not funny and comes off like a fan boy more than anything. Whenever he’s in a room full of celebrities he’s always the “one of these things is definitely not like the other”. Annoying wannabe hack.
I would always rewrite over my first writing and still do….am i scitso
I love Ari but him being the guy who doesn’t leave the room and just starts pissing in random bottles is the shit that is literally like “This is why I can’t take you anywhere mofo…..”
It’s uncomfortable looking at this weird bubble this many years down the road and how Bert is holding on for dear life to have his seat at the table safe. They sit there talking about how to find the fountain of youth and it’s entertaining to watch yet has an eerie feeling I can’t put my finger on. Bert talking about his wife wanting to “eff non-stop” but just not him, it’s unfortunate. Bert is the personification of somebody who doesn’t know how to be rich. He’s that dude that constantly drops status humble brags that are just uncomfortable. Bert can’t stand it when someone changes the conversation away from something Bert gets to insert himself into and look like he’s in the mix and cool. Ari the sociopath sits and covertly seethes that a complete idiot like Bert has money coming out of his ears and Ari hasn’t found the fountain of cash yet. Again, entertaining to watch. It’s like a sociological experiment in fast transitions of social class.
Bert’s insecurities bleed thru this whole episode
Joe rogan you need to have David addair on your podcast he builds rockets since he was a kid and has some info about alien tech you might be interested in.
If you’re not American do you acc like Bert?
what video were they watching in the beginning that they were all freaking out about?
These people just keep coming around me. These aren’t really bad things. Clearly they can notice that I’m attractive and they don’t wanna go around anyone else and they do chase me. I’m like well they can see what I am.
Tom: have you seen the one with the guy wearing the go pro?-
Joe: I’ve seen that🤣🤣
nah not this one , bert was fine in this one youre nickelbacking here guys
the bucket shit guy deserves waterboarding using shit water
Tony Hinchcliff: You know, me and my girlfriend we’re thinking about getting kids, but my question is what do you teach your kids once they are teenagers?
Joe: I always tell my kids, “try not to be an ass*ole” that’s number 1.
Tony: Oh, okay let me write that down, “try… not… to be… like your mother”
*fictional
He looks like Zach galifinakisgcbdjdi how ever you spell it that why snoop wanted a flick